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Monday, March 30, 2015

Confuse .Fuzziness.


 SPM/STPM leaver
about to apply for university
no idea about any universities to choose
confuse to choose among 2 or more universities

is somebody here happen to be on that situation?

it was a very sad day. I was only an SPM leaver. I was so young. I remembered that day when I was about to apply for university through upu. It's an online application where we can apply for any universities that we want ,and choose any courses offered there. It is so embarassing to tell that I was still very immature to make a good choice for myself. I chose many courses that I felt the courses are kind of hard to get. And finally, the result was out. It end up with I didn't get anything. I didn't get any of the universities that I applied.

I remembered I ever worked after SPM . Just as a salesgirl at a small bookstore. I work about one month and managed to quit. That work is kind of tiring. I went to work by bus everyday using my mom's money. I have nothing mine on that time. I owe my mom a lot of money, for the bus, for the foods, and so forth. I got my first salary and went home happily. A few days later , I went to my sister's place in KL with my lovely cousin and a friend. It's just three of us .

I stayed there for quite a long period. I would say almost a month!I don't need to tell how much money I spend to survive there. I used my money salary.That is the time when I felt full of regretful that I use all the money just for myself. I realised I made mistakes to my mom. I owe her many things . Many unexplained things in my life. I can't afford to pay all she had done for me.May Allah always bless you mama . I cried very often thinking about that. Nobody know.

There was a time my mom called me and asked whether I was ok and when I want to come home.
She was so nice to me. She called to know whether I want to further my study. She knew I didn't get any universities offer. I was sad too ,but I can't do anything to change that.

Then, I got an offer from my old school to further my studying in form 6. I have not much time to answer it. Yes, I have to go for it. I need to. I must further my study and leave all messes behind. So, I went home , leaving  KL.

 I went to my old school and furthered my studies.
Two years was a hard and memorable time for me and my friends. We studied together ,struggling for STPM . I  felt very thankful to Him for giving me such a good and nice friends around me. I have the nicest teachers that have teaching me and my friends. They helped us when we are clueless doing pbs, when we were in need. They are like our second parents in school.

Finally , the STPM result was out.

I took my STPM result at school. I got 3** pointer something. I was advised by my teacher to apply for uniKL. My teacher told me and my friends to still apply for that uniKL although we want to apply for any IPTA .Just to make sure we still can further our studies if we don't get any of IPTA or we don't get the courses that we want .

I did applied for Unikl ,Bachelor of Industrial Logistic (Honours). It is located in Johor. It's too far . Far away from my hometown in north...what happen after that?

*I think I am going to continue this later.. I'll update it very soon . bye peeps!

(continue )

What happen after that? ,I will continue this right now. I actually applied IPTA too.
I remembered that I applied many courses connected on the education field. Like, tesl, Bahasa Melayu linguistic ,etc . that I can't even remember all of them. I also chose something like business, entrepreneur ,and logistics. To be honest, I don't really hope to get that because my eyes are being blurred by unikl ,the university that my teacher had always mentioned to us.

At the first, my dream to further my study in unikl was so stupendous. It can't be said no more that I really wanted to be there. The course offered which is industrial logistic ,become  a very famous course that promised you a large opportunities for getting jobs after graduation.After getting bachelor, you will get another advantage which is getting the  CILT ? I don't know more about it, but my teacher said that the cilt is the certification that can be used in all countries around this world. You can apply for any jobs that connected to logistics ,wherever the place you want.  MARA  also would give you loan as PTPTN did . If you can get dean , your loan  will become less, the higher the pointer you get, the lower you have to pay the loan back/.That's the best part.

But now, my dream turns obscure. I felt myself in fuzziness. I started to feel that way because of something . Something that happened in one night. My bro called me and shared some stories to me about his friend. He told me that  he has a friend that work in logistic area (I know he's trying to talk about  the course that i want to take in unikl). His friend said the job was so tiring and he only can go home the earliest at 11pm. His friend had to leave his wife and children at home so often just for that work.  I started to worry. My heart struggled to breathe on that time. I didn't blame him for doing that, he just telling me to think twice or more before I make a right and final decision. There is still a lot of courses that I can go for in IPTA. I mean the courses that I can apply suitable with my results.

Another thing that made me feel worried was the unikl's fees. It's quite pricey. You know, they are non-government university.

#So yeah, Unikl problems to me are like:

*Fees (we need to pay all the fees in semester 1 cuz Mara loan will start on 2nd semester/ need to use   own money to survive on semester/own pocket money)
*long-distance ( which is located in Johor)

#and I must think about these things too:

*the environment there (I need to adapt with the new environment there to survive or stay longer)
*the friends/teachers/lecturers (how would they be ? is they will be nice to me or I can't be nice to      them??)
*the studies (this is the most important thing, If the place is too far ,I am afraid I'll be homesick and cannot study well)
 *and  all above .

What about IPTA? :
*all the same problem as unikl except the fees part
*if you get dean ,you still have to pay the same amount as your loan.
*less opportunity for getting job if you get low pointer ( damn i don't really know about this just tellin' ya)

All things above just always haunted me. I can't get rid from thinking that.
All these things just made me confuse. Confuse to make any decision.

My mom ever said that I can go for anything in my life. She didn't say no or yes  when I said I want to further my study in unikl or IPTA .But I know, deep  inside her heart, she want me to enter IPTA rather than IPTS .She ever asked me to apply for teaching and education course. It's kind of hard to get ,I know my level, but I applied that courses too. I wish I can get at least the eng. course that I always wanted it so much. If I can't go for unikl, then I only hope for that course .

Uh huh .that's only here for tonight.
I am still thinking about my journey of life. what happen to my future. only Him know.
hmm, where am I who am I in the ten years to come ?


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