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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

My journey of losing weight.

Assalamualaikum lovelies !


I was 52kg when I was in standard five.
My teacher told me that she felt shocked after looking at my weight , cuz I am still so young to reach that kinda weight.

I don't care too much about it.
nope.

I kept eating like usual. Sebab gila apa tak makan setiap kali mama masak.
Rasa rugi tak makan .
rugi sangat. Mama's cooks are  delicious and I ate them everyday.

You might or might not realised that every time when your mom cook the same things/dishes everyday, you still gonna eat them. Maybe you get bored with it, but you still eat it.

If people ask you, what's the most delicious or your most favorite food?
Sometimes or every time you will answer " my mom's cooks!"
You proud of your mom's cook. You know that's the best answer ever and you don't care about the other food which you can't admit it  delicious than your mom's cooks.

That's you and That's me sometimes :p

Eleh chill lah, I bought some food that I thought it is so nice and delicious and gave it to my mom, she tasted it and said.

"Emmmmm sedap. macam mana nak buat ni?'

see, mama pon humble.
Time flies so fast, I didn't realised that I had  grown up, I  almost twenty on that time. My weight was 65kg liddat. :p

p/s: me ,in2014 if you can see it clearly. (kanan sekali)


I ever had a feeling to start diet /losing my weight. Many times actually :p . I thought about avoiding my mom's cook, they are too oily sometimes, too much sugar contained in it, and too much itula inila.
Padahal it's not actually the main reason I am gaining weight.

No, I still believe that I am not gaining weight with my mom's cook. But the quantity of the foods that I took. She did cook foods for you ,but you're the one who should concern and taking the rational and healthier amount of them.

Eat healthier.
Eat balance.
do not skip your mom's cook. You'll regret it!!

Ini tidak, masa mak masak sayur ke ada ulam ke letak tepi semua tuuu. :p

me, now (2015/2016)

My journey and your journey is different because we are not same! So ,follow your own abilities and I'll follow mine. Do not judging okay :)

*Breathing*


The reason of writing this is not actually meant I am fully success with my diet. But I lost few kilos (approximately 9 kilos) after doing these :



I don't eat if I don't feel like to/ Im still full                                                                                                                                                                                                                      
  
Sometimes I didn't eat when I felt I didn't want to eat. I don't know if you're different from me, but its  really happening when you're not feeling wanna eat something or anything OR there is a time you're kinda wanting one type of food that suddenly appear on your mind and do not want to take any foods around you until you get that "one type of food' on your mind. Yeah, it seemed like I was kinda ungrateful for the foods around me, but hey I didn't throw all foods around me, I gave them to people around me. Thanks god I had my lil sister who had always finishing everything. Yeah, another "it seemed like I am so bad by letting my lil sister eat my leftovers and making her fat while I am losing weight". well, its not like that. I didn't forced her. She'd already grown up and she knows how much she can eat, when she should stop eating. *I'll tell about her soon. By the way, limit the amount of foods you take. That's the best thing you should do too .I scrolled up the newsfeed on Facebook and my eyes stopped on something.

"EXO Xiumin reveals the secret behind his weight
 loss and surprises fan with his real weight"

Haha. and Of course I ended up clicking immediately to the links. :p Guess what did  I found?


Xiumin replied, "It's not that I'm gaining muscles, but the muscles are showing up because the fat is going away." His members added, "Xiumin lost a lot of weight. The fans will be surprised if we revealed his weight. It doesn't even reach 60 kg (133 pounds)." 

Ryeowook then asked him to reveal some dieting tips and Xiumin shared, "To be honest, I barely eat. And rehearsing for the new song 'Growl' made me sweat a lot, so naturally, I lost weight."


Oh dear, he barely eat! Poor him. I went to google , searching for his pictures after losing weight, a very dramatically loss of weight. He looked so much different you know i don't wanna mention it anymore  how I looked at his new picture of losing weight you just go google it out. What can I say now is , he can be whatever he wanted to be, if he think that is the best thing he should do or he is doing that for his own sake, I /we can't judge him. He has his own right to do anything with his weight, I know sometimes we, fan , worried about his health/he seemed like forcing himself not to eat and practices so hard while rehearsing, but we didn't know whether he did that for his own career, his own future or whatsoever. As long as he is happy doing that, let him decide. maybe that is the time in his life he wanna experience being a skinny man :)

Don't want to mention this, but I ever had a feeling of wanting to  be skinny too. :p Again I wanna say, SKINNY, not anorexia. Both have different meanings. P/s: don't you ever barely eat like him if you are not able  or it might killing you!!



Drink a lot of water/reduce sugary drinks                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Hey there water haters like me.(or it is just me :p) I didn't like drinking water. My lil sis and my brother did. They drink lots of water a day. not like me, I never finished drinking water in a small mineral water bottle in a day. I've tried it before, and I just can't finish it at the same time. It needed me the whole day to finish it until the last drop. Okay, here i was, after thinking no more about to diet, I started forcing myself to drink lots of water. I didn't started  with the large bottle, I'd only challenged myself with the small one, but ! I must finished it on half day. Means I can take another bottle in  one day. That sounds pretty crazy for you "water drinker"/"H2O lovers" ,but that's me.We're not same if you think there is people who can live two days without drinking water, well that's me.So, I challenged myself to drink water in a small bottle and finished it as fast as i can . I hope this will bring improvement to myself! Another thing I did, reduce sugary drinks. and never dare to touch soft drinks !!






Eat vegetables/fruits
p/s :If vege is your number one enemy, start to fall in love with it.  
                                                                                                                                                                   
This is normal to me. I ate vegetables although  there are only few type of vegetables that I didn't like but  "at least I ate them". Be it spinach, cabbage, carrot , tomatoes (oh I love it) and so forth. Sometimes I ate them  without rice *kinda salads and added some proteins. I should say here also that I took small portion of carbo(rice/bread) and sometimes chose to eat more proteins(only lauk) rather than taking rice. So, eat veges .There are lots of them, tomatoes is my fav, what's yours?







I made Detox/teatox             

  I made detox water. Cut some lemons into slices ,squizzed them  and put inside the water in a bottle. other than lemons, cucumbers. I didn't put sugar. Just lemon and cucumber and cold it overnight inside  refrigerator. Drink it cold as much as I can/like. It does taste bad without sugar, but put it inside your mind that is the best drink you ever had and its healthier than you could ever imagine. :p Teatox sound cool too isn't it. Go get it from instag shop. Search for teatox online. But you can also made your own tea and put fruits' slices into it. Teatox pon approximately the same as detox. It just diff because it is tea. lemons and others fruits/vege are added into tea.






chocolates is fine, but reduce it.                        

 Yeah, reduce it. Seriously. That's the only thing I can say. I did makan chocolates, I am not saying I didn't take it at all. :)






Dancing like kpop stars                                                                                                           


  I hate jogging. That's so tiring to get up early in the morning and go for jog. I had tried it before but gave up lepas buat tiga hari :p. Malas. Bored. ya I know that's the thing I need to face to lose my weight, I have to be tired and sweaty to burn my calories lol. I ended up eating in front of the tv and watched Running man. They are so thin, look healthier ( I mean RM's members) than me. lol . I don't know what I had  in my mind on that time. Oh gosh, gimme strength gimme a strong reason and influence to lose my weight. And the idea  came, automatically popped out inside  my head. Why don't I go for dancing?.  Kpop dancing? ,cuz i used to watch some of them through  youtube . there are lots of music vids that I can watch as references and learn their steps closer and slower. i  did dancing, of course not the same as the real dancers, but it so cool and exciting! Really. Kenapa takbuat macam ni kan instead of jogging yang memang dah tak minat dan kalau minat pon tak boleh  continuosly buat. At least dancing make you sweaty too right? So start choosing your fav kpop's group  dancing now . what you heed to do is just download their mv from youtube and dance like them! (p/s: lock your room's door before dancing :p)






hehe:p

 p/s: all pictures from Mr. googgle( except first and second pic)



So that's all. Just sharing and hope this is beneficial!


Thursday, January 21, 2016

Things to bring to college/university

Assalamualaikum.

first of all, congratulations sebab dapat masuk college/university yeayyy. Alhamdulillah tau, sebab bukan semua orang bernasib baik macam kita hmm :)
Mesti excited kan sekarang sampai google barang2 yang perlu dibawa ke universiti!

well, don't want to mention this but I had googled it out like every single day before stepping foot to university kahhhhh :p
So ,here are the things that you need to bring (p/s: i listed all these things after reading lots of bloggers' posts and doing some additional  and eliminating  process , well some things that i think might not practical to bring or unneeded)


Bismillahirrohmanirrohim....




Documents/Compulsory Things

  • Offer letter (disahkan/tak)
  • Medical checkup things + X-ray
  • Passport Photo/gambar berukuran pasport (p/s: I brought this around eight pcs, you'll find out its beneficial-untuk tampal kat banyak borang cth. borang keahlian library/kelab koko/etc)
  • Others document (go do some research what documents you need to bring/ikut university masing2)
  • Salinan i/c/sijil2/MUET result/slip gaji /bank slip(maybank/cimb/etc)/ptptn  letters/etc (disahkan/tak)(go get it from your uni/college's page jangan malas google okay!)
(p/s :prepare all important documents early!)




Top to toe

  • Baju kurung (around five, but if you're not kinda wearing it just bring three like mine:p)
  • Slacks 
  • Tracksuits/seluar sukan
  • Skirts
  • Dress/Jubah
  • Jeans
  • Pyjamas/baju tidur (please bring the most appropriate baju tidur because you're not longer be sleeping alone inside one room)
  • Short sleeves 
  • Long sleeves 
  • Muslimah shirts
  • Cardigan/outer wear (if you bring many short sleeves , this might be useful)
  • Sweater/jacket (for  night class pffftttt :p)
  • Collared shirt (if there is formal event and you kinda bored with kurungs :p match it with skirts!)
  • Singlets
  • Underwears (up and down okayhh :p , p/s: bring it as much as you cannnnn!!)
  • Leggings/kain inner
  • Inner shirts (pagoda tergoda :p) /long sleeves inner too!
  • Handsocks (kerana pergelangan tanganmu juga aurah!)
  • Socks (longsocks for outing and going to class shortsocks for cold night :p sama juga, kakimu juga aurah!)
  • Shawls/bawals/syria/crepe (don't forget to bring along instant scarf yang easier to wear masa nak keluar kejap2 nak jemur kain ke :p)
  • Inner neck/inner scarf (anak tudung/anak dalam bla bla)
  • Brooch/pins/needles
  • Batik (kain basahan atau pakai dalam bilik ala gadis melayuuu)/pelikat
  • Shoes (slipper/sandal, sport shoes, casual/outing shoes, shoes for class)
  • Tie?


Others important thing
  • Telekung set/kit
  • Sejadah
  • Quran/Yaasin/mathurat/
  • Tasbih
  • Towel (two towels, small towel can be useful too)


Toiletries
  • Toothpaste
  • Toothbrush
  • Floss (you have threads? :p)
  • Listerine
  • Hair Shampoo
  • Body Shampoo/ soap
  • Baldi (baldi kecil to put all your toiletries)
(p/s: baldi kecil boleh guna sebagai cebok kalau tetiba shower buat hal lol)


Laundry 
  • Sabun basuh baju
  • Berus basuh baju
  • Pewangi
  • Softener
  • Baldi (large/small)
  • Bakul untuk kain kering
  • Penyepit baju (bring along the round shape  for underwears :p)
  • Hanger 
(p/s: bring some coins/syiling if you want to use machine, like in my uni the machine needs fifty sen coins times 4 that cost RM2.00 per washing)



Room Must have
  • Small dustbin
  • Plastics
  • Doormat , Mats (share money with your roommates to buy one or two to beautify your room!)
  • Calendar
  • Clock/ watch
  • Pewangi locker/almari
  • Febreez (up to you)
  • Mirror (small or large its up to you!)
  • Sewing kit
  • Boxes ( put all your pantries/foods stock/ extra things that you bring. put the box under your bed. it might save a lot of spaces)
(p/s: akan ada cermin kat locker masing2 tapi kalau bawak cermin extra takpayah berebut space dengan roommates semasa semua nak mencantik depan cermin locker heee :p)


Electrical Stuffs
  • Iron
  • Kettle
  • Plug extension


Gadgets/Electronic Stuffs
  • Handphone + charger (tipu takde :p)
  • Powerbank
  • Laptop+charger
  • Printer (i didn't brought it on the first semester and maybe not for this coming semester too because i got roommate who already have it. well jimat space bilik kan :p eh satu lagi, jangan tak sedar diri, buat harta printer orang, kalau nk guna bayar la sekeping kertas seposen ke :p)
  • Pendrive
  • MP3
  • Headphone/earphone


Pantry
  • Small handwash
  • Berus/sponge basuh pinggan
  • Sabun basuh pinggan
  • Pinggan
  • Mangkuk (for maggi and soups :p)
  • Sudu/ Garfu / Chopsticks
  • Mugs/ plastic cup
  • Tupperware/ food container
  • Drink container/ water bottles (azam tahun baru drinks lots of water and become healthier! :p)

For Beds
  • Pillow (jangan cakap satu dah cukup okay :p)
  • Blanket/selimut gebu :p
  • Alas katil/ cadar (bring two set, you'll wash another one and use another one)
  • Teddy bear? :p

Grooming/Cleanness/Health
  • Nail clipper
  • Shaver
  • scissor
  • Tissues
  • Comb/ hair clips/ hairband
  • Make up (compact powder/lipstick/lipbalm/ foundation/ eye shadow/mascara etc)
  • Facial care (scrubs/ night cream/ day cream/ soap etc)
  • Lotion SPF/UV protection
  • Deodorant 
  • Hair conditioner
  • Powder (baby powder :p)
  • Cotton buds
  • Pads
  • Panty liner
  • Pembersih peribadi ? 
  • Panadol/ capsules etc
  • Minyak cap kapak/ vicks/ bum
  • Minyak gamat/urut
  • Plaster luka
  • Supplement/ additional foods

For Learning
  • Pencil case
  • Stationeries (Pencil/Pens(red+blue+black+coloured pens)/liquid paper/ Marker pen/Ruler/Eraser/ Highlighter set/ mata pensel)
  • Paper Clips
  • Stapler+ ubat
  • Salotapes
  • Scissor + glue
  • Colored pencils
  • Calculator
  • Files (bring variety colors of files, each color represent each subject/course hihi :p)
  • Notepads /A4 papers
  • Long/short notebooks (up to you)
(p/s: here we are , mesti first time confuse kan nak bawak buku ke kertas ke atau apa. Its up you, kalau suka tulis notes dalam buku pon okay lebih tersusun semua notes ada kat situ ,kalau suka guna A4 je pon okay. make sure semua notes kat kertas A4 tu letak dalam file cepat2 takut nanti notes berterabur atau hilang entah kemana nak final baru cari and then tak jumpa haaa kalut kalut :p)

 Bags
  • Bagpack/ sling bag/ handbag/ etc
(p/s: women use lots of bags.so,bring two or more. one for class, one for outing or maybe  one for another class bahaha :p)



Foods/Drinks
  • Snacks/jajan etc
  • Biscuits (oreo/chipsmore/Tiger/etc-you might get hungry when continuing study on the late night :p)
  • Maggi ( only eat this when you really have no choice/emergency/ masa lapar tgh malam buta ke/takboleh keluar sebab banjir ke/etc. sebab, takbaik tau untuk kesihatan !)
  • Nestume/cereals
  • Coffee 3 in 1
  • Milo
  • Milk (nespray/everyday/dutchlady/etc)
  • Sugar
  • Tea 
  • Hacks/mentos/sweets (I need it when I feel sleepy in the class)
  • Jam(fruit jam/Nutella/etc) -go get gardenia or highfive and spread some of it!!




Ok dah.

Dah Kot I think.


I hope this is helping! I will update more soon if I think there is lacking :)
Thankyou for stepping here heeeeee salammm!


Friday, August 21, 2015

Gay :Part 8 (A night Only us)




Nobody ever told about what happened on that night when Chanyeol slept in Kai's bedroom.
It was just two of them in the bedroom, Chanyeol ever stepped away from Kai before, but Kai grabbed his hand and didn't want to let him go away  that night.

Chanyeol slept beside him, and his body started leaning really close to him. And between them there was heat and confusion and want and desire and everything else all rolled into a thick ,insulating cloud of lust, and longing. At last, they happened to be a couple on the bed.
Oh Kai, at last.

Kai with his unbuttoned shirts and pantless , Chanyeol with his bare limbs , muscular and veined arms. That was it, the situation where they started everything. Seriously. Very serious.

His tounge teased him as his hands pulled him close. So close until there are no more distance. 
Kai's belly meet his hip, his erection was a long hot welcome ridge again Kai's stomach. He was wet, and aching. Chanyeol's hips was heavy on him, his weight balanced on arms bulging with muscles. Comets swirling in his beautiful eyes. Chanyeol did have a beautiful eyes, like an angel's eyes. The same thing goes to his fairy ears.

As Kai's eyes were close, Chanyeol slit open his eyes. Chanyeol gazed down at his lips and touched them with his pink and fresh lips, then he move back his head a little, and breathe on his lips.

"Hey, I'm gonna tell you something, something that you're gonna like."
"What..."
"I think I ..."
"Shut up."

Kai flattened his hands on Chanyeol's huge shoulder. He pulled him closer, over and over again.
"I don't wanna hear anything from you." Kai said
"Okay ...." Chanyeol whispered.

And then it was a blur of sensation. There was no awkwardness ,or a self-conscious that thinking themselves was too young ,too small or too short. No strangers in that bed, only him and him.
There was this :Hard mouths and tender mouths meeting each other, trembling hands and sure hands, and limbs twisting and friction mounting.
Their hearts thudding so fast as their actions, slick skin sliding. Sweat building ,and finally oh god, two hearts beating as one.

"Kai you're not human, you're a piece of art to me." Chanyeol whispered.
"Stop talking  to me right now."
"Why should I ..?"
"Cuz you're talk so much this night."

Chanyeol flattened his thumbs on Kai's ears, he brushed his tounge on Kai's bottom lips up to the upper one.
They are no innocent at all. They just know that they could move on. Never want to get back.
It's all just happened, no turn back.







Thursday, August 20, 2015

Gay :Part 7 (Follow Me Let's Run Away)



"My mom cheated on my dad."


The conversations turned awkward for a while. Chanyeol knows he shouldn't  asked Kai why his parents got divorced.
Kai looked at his glass filled with soda while holding it on the table. He stared at his glass for quite long. He hold the glass so tight and finally he said something.

"hyung, don't you ever know that there's devil inside someone?" Kai said.

Chanyeol didn't said anything except listening to Kai. That was the moment when only Kai talks something to him that he couldn't reply it with any words. So, he stayed silence, listened to Kai.

"Sometimes there's devil inside of an angel's face.."
"they might look nice to you but who knows they are devils inside them. They could destroy your life without you expecting they can do so.." Kai said.

He stared at Chanyeol face, his eyes went straightly into Chanyeol's eyes, like he was seriously talking to that guy. Chanyeol felt something on him. He felt that Kai started to bring back his bad pasts with his mom and telling Chanyeol why he hated his mom so much, Chanyeol was wrong on that time when he chose to ask Kai about his pasts, especially about his mom.

"my mom is one of them, she's a devil." Kai said, suddenly.

His hand was still holding the glass. More tight than before, until he doesn't realised  he was gripping it so hard. He seemed stressed. 

"She is devil, she ruined my life and my father's life.." Kai said again.
The glass that he gripped earlier broken inside his hand. His hand was bleeding.
 Chanyeol was shocked at that time as he quickly grab Kai's bloody hand, tightly ,to stop the bleeding.
He was shocked and worried of him. Kai wasn't looked worry about himself ,he looks weak.
Chanyeol help him to get up and send him inside his bedroom which was  upstairs. He treated Kai's hand as soon as they arrived  Kai's bed. Kai looked so vulnerable, he must be really tired. Chanyeol let him sleep on his bed while he sat beside him, watching over him.

Chanyeol sat there almost an hour until he didn't realise he was sleeping beside Kai.

"please don't do this, please... It's hurt.. It's hurt ". Kai talks in sleep.

He kept yelling "it's hurt"  while sleeping. He had nightmares again. He had always dreamed about he was beaten by his mom when he was a kid.
Chanyeol who sat beside him woke up suddenly from sleep as soon as he heard that.
"So, you still never mention about your mom. Where is she?" "She left us after my parents divorce." "Why they divorce? I meant .. wasn't they happy together with you?" Chanyeol ask again. "My mom cheated on my dad."

Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ
"So, you still never mention about your mom. Where is she?" "She left us after my parents divorce." "Why they divorce? I meant .. wasn't they happy together with you?" Chanyeol ask again. "My mom cheated on my dad."

Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ
"So, you still never mention about your mom. Where is she?" "She left us after my parents divorce." "Why they divorce? I meant .. wasn't they happy together with you?" Chanyeol ask again. "My mom cheated on my dad." Chanyeol felt guilty for asking Kai such that questions. He realise he shouldn't get start with that kind of questions. So he didn't asked Kai any more about his parents. It might hurt Kai's feeling.

Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ

"Kai ,what's wrong? hey..." He said.
Kai still didn't wake up from his sleep. His eyes was still closed.
Chanyeol touched his forehead, he felt hot on Kai's forehead. Kai has fever , he could feel burns with his hand. He felt worried about Kai, he treated Kai's fever until almost midnight.

Kai was sweaty, he looked sick.
Chanyeol unbuttoned kai's shirts - kai was skinny, a lot more skinnier that him.
Chanyeol ever took a small towel and soaked in water ,squeezed it and then he put it on Kai's forehead. He took care of him on that night.
Chanyeol was about to leave from Kai's house. It almost midnight, he afraid his mom might feeling worry of him at home.

As soon as he stepped away from Kai, Kai grabbed his hand from back.

"Are you going home ?" kai said
Chanyeol turned his head to Kai.

"Yes..."
"Would you mind if you sleep here tonight?" Kai said.

" My dad will not coming home tonight.." Kai said again.
"Okay I will accompany you, don't worry take a rest." Chanyeol said.

He couldn't said no to Kai. He felt pity on him.


"So, you still never mention about your mom. Where is she?" "She left us after my parents divorce." "Why they divorce? I meant .. wasn't they happy together with you?" Chanyeol ask again. "My mom cheated on my dad." Chanyeol felt guilty for asking Kai such that questions. He realise he shouldn't get start with that kind of questions. So he didn't asked Kai any more about his parents. It might hurt Kai's feeling.

Copy and WIN : http://ow.ly/KNICZ


 


*                 *                 *                  *                  *                   *                 *               *                   *

 On the next morning, they went to school together. Chanyeol didn't want let Kai go to school because he afraid Kai wasn't healthy enough after having fever last night.

"Are you sure you're okay?"
"I'm sure, I'll be fine hyung. Don't worry, I have to go to school to sent my school project."
"That portrait project?"
"Yep."
"You'll get A after the teacher look at my portrait or they might get faint because I'm too handsome."
"Yucks! What if I get E for that? I'll blame you"
"That's impossible."
"Yeah right.. "

They took some breakfast at Kai's house and went out after eight o'clock.

Kai was right in front of his class.He was ready to start his studies on that day, and send his portrait.
As he stepped inside his class ,he realise that all the students in that class are looking weirdly at him.
He move on to his chair and took a sit.

There was three boys came to him. They were laughing to each other while looking at Kai.
Kai  confused for a while.

"hey new student, what's your name?" One of them said.
"I'm Kai."
"Oh Kai! Kai what do you think about us?"
"Sorry ?" Kai didn't understand their words.
"Haha ..do you want to try one of us too cuz we've heard that you have try it with a senior?"
"What do you meant ?"
"Hahaha ,this boy still don't get it guys ,look at him! Who do you guys think he is?"


"Gayyyyyyyyyyy!!" The three said.
They were laughing in front of Kai.

Meanwhile at Chanyeol class. There was a group of girls talking behind him as soon as he took his seat. He heard the girls are talking something about him and Kai. Then he know that the girls have been influenced by the rumors about him and Kai being gay. Well, he realised that it was actually not just rumors, because he know his feelings towards Kai. He loves Kai. Only god know that.

Kai still sat on his chair. His eyes started teary, his gripped his hand below his desk. He felt angry to those three boys. They kept telling him gay on the class. They are talking out loud to the students in the class so that they know that Kai is a gay

One of them also touched his back and said something that hurt him emotionally. Kai endured them and all the students who talk behind him on that time, It was so hard to endure that.He didn't know what else to do other that enduring, he can't just get up and tell his classmates that he is not a gay. Because he thought like what Chanyeol thought ,that they were really gay.

They like to each other. They love each other. More than friends.

 Kai was abandoned by his classmates. Just because he is being a gay. Yeah right, there's no place for gays in this class or even in this world. People are only judging you, talk behind your back, abandoning you, not appreciating each kindness you made, just because you're a gay and the worst thing is you have to endure yourself not to said anything  to defend yourself because you realise that they can never accept you. 
Kai was surrounded by the friends that could not understand him and only judging him. He had nothing to defend for himself , he just  felt sick and bad on himself.
It's a good thing if you had friends that accept you who you are and never judging you, they give you advices  but they don't judging you- that's something to be grateful of. 

Kai clenched his teeth, he still endured.



Suddenly, Chanyeol was happened to walk along his class. Chanyeol was bored earlier in his class, he went out of his class after know they are rumored as gay. 
As he walk by Kai's class, he saw Kai was bullied by the three boys.

"The boys make me feel annoyed." Chanyeol whispered at himself.

He went inside Kai's class and punch one of the three at his face. All students on that class was shocking while looking at Chanyeol and the boys. 

"Next time if you do this again to Kai, my foot will be on your heads!" Chanyeol said
"Huh.. fuck both of you gayessss!! We don't scare at you!" One of them said.

On the same time, Kai took his bagpack and rushedly went out from his class. Chanyeol lowered his right hand which he sets it to punch the boys earlier.
Chanyeol leave the class and run to get Kai. Kai run to the school field, he realised that Chanyeol was far away behind him. Chanyeol had followed him to the school field.

"Huh.. huh..fuhhh" Chanyeol reached  him. He looked tired because he was running to the field.
"Why did you leave me like that Kai?"
"Don't follow me, just go anywhere."
"Look ,I know they bully you, we should report this to discipline teacher.."
"We don't need to to that. "
"Why?do you wanna let them bullying you forever?"
"Because they were right! They are saying the right thing about me! I can't tell discipline teacher that they are bullying me because I'm.....I'm  a gay!"
"No.. they were saying the right thing about us ...I know this is hard but... let face it together, I won't let them bully you again ... if I know about that earlier, I'll make them suffer for making you like that."

They never said the word "love" to each other before, but after that situation ,they don't need to explain their feelings anymore. The feelings that they love to each other.


On that moment, Chanyeol grabbed Kai's hand and he brought Kai out of the school. he doesn't care about anything else anymore, he didn't care about his images as a team leader of school football, or his record as one of the excellent students in his form, or anything else. He just wanted to get out of that school and run away with Kai.

He brought Kai to a cafe, "Make a Good World Cafe", or MAGWC.

MAGWC was a really nice cafe. The decoration inside the cafe was absolutely stunning, it based on nature, there are some chairs and desks are made up from recycled woods, and lots of coloured drawing on the cafe walls. They were handmade.
The cafe always became a nice place for everybody who want to release their stress and to get peace.
Chanyeol has been there for many times, so he found that he could bring Kai there after they run away from school. 

Chanyeol still holding Kai's hand. As soon as they stepped inside the cafe, the situation was a bit tense. There are only both of them inside the cafe, they wasn't sure whether that's still early for any customers to come. The cafe seemed like inviting only both of them.
He brought Kai to a round shape desk located at the middle place of cafe, they sat face-to-face.
Kai still didn't say any words.


"Kai... Kai-ya...Kai-ya" Chanyeol called his name.
Kai didn't answer him.

"Kai....what's wrong? let's just forget everything and talk to me right now."
"Kai... Kai-ssi! Kai-yaaaaaaaaa...." Chanyeol kept calling his name like an idiot. He did a lot of aegyos though.

"Let's just stop it here." Kai finally said.
"What? What are you saying?" Chanyeol said.
"I said we should stop all this now ."
"Why? I don't see anything wrong at all" Chanyeol said
"Of course this is wrong, everybody know we shouldn't be like this." Kai said
"Let's order something, I'm hungry." Chanyeol said.(He pretended not  listening on Kai)
 "Let's stop this hyung.." Kai said.
"Please I want to order something , I'm hungry ,I want to order some macaroons and breads. What would you like to order?"
"I'm not hungry."
"I'll order anything for you ,wait here." Chanyeol went away from him.

 Soon, he came to Kai and brought along a plate of macaroons and breads and went back to the order table and took two cups of coffee- Americano ice with whipped cream and cappuccino.
He put all orders on the table and sat in front of Kai. He sipped his  cappuccino.

"Wow.. macaroon look delicious!" Chanyeol said.
"Kai you want macaroon? Here ,take a bite." Chanyeol said while taking one pink macaroon and wanted to feed Kai.
"Stop it." Kai said. Arrogantly.
"Hey come on you have to taste it ,let me feed you"
"I said stop !!!!" Kai said.Louder.

It made the workers inside the cafe shocked and stared at them. Chanyeol silent.
Kai then walked away from the cafe, he left Chanyeol. Suddenly it was rainy outside. The rains was like welcoming them like in  most of love stories. Chanyeol stopped eating his macaroons and followed Kai to the outside. It was just in front of the door's cafe.

He grabbed Kai's hand.

"Hey what's wrong again? Look why you're acting like this?" Chanyeol said.
"I'm not acting ,I just want to stop all these."
"Stop all these? You meant this friendship?"
"You know this is not only a friendship right?"
 Chanyeol silent for a second.

"Are you really want to stop this?" Chanyeol said.
"We must stop being more than a friend, you know people are always talk bad behind us."
"Nah, I don't even cares about them." Chanyeol said.

"Do you hate me that much, am I not too good for you?" 
"I don't hate you hyung..."
"Fine, I know you want to end this relationship because you hate me, not just because people talk bad behind us.  If you want so, let's just...."
"No, I don't hate you , if anything you're my personal addiction. I'd wake up every morning wanting you so bad my balls ached."
"If you said so, then why should we stop this, huh?"

Chanyeol grabbed Kai and hugged him so tight.

"So let's get back inside there and eat macaroons."
"I hate macaroons."
"Okay next time let's just eat chicken, you loves chicken don't you?"
"Yeah."



Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Gay :Part6 ( I'm sketching you )




THAT was the first time and the last time Kai had been to Chanyeol's house.
It wasn't about Chanyeol didn't invited him any more to his house, but Kai had always refused him.

Kai sometimes realised that Chanyeol had always been nice to him. Chanyeol had invited him to his house like hundreds times but he never did that to Chanyeol.He wasn't so bad to Chanyeol for not inviting him to his house too. It just something that make him didn't felt want to do it.

Kai was alone at home. Even if his father was at home, he still felt alone. He couldn't feel his father's existence in that house.  Sometimes he felt that he had no life being in that house. He just hope that he could do anything out of that house, or he might just sleeping on his bed until he wake up again and go to school.
There wasn't anything good to talk about his house to Chanyeol, not to mention about inviting Chanyeol to his house . That was impossible for Kai.

Kai likes hiding his feeling to anyone. Even his feeling on Chanyeol. He just brave enough to reply his jokes while they were having conversations, like last night's conversations.
Anyway, there was one sunny evening at school, Kai happened to meet Chanyeol at school's field.
Kai was eating his snacks while sitting on a wooden bench near the field. He was so rare to be at canteen or cafe.
He was eating an apple while holding a pencil on his left hand and sketching something on a drawing book on his lap. His body was like an art sitting on that way, he really had a beautiful body- he had  skinny legs, unexplained size of skinny waist up to his chest, and his face was like a model under  shooting and photography.

Chanyeol suddenly came from his back.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Chanyeol said.
Kai stopped eating his apple and turned his face on him.
"Nothing, I'm just eating here."
"What are you eating?"
"I'm eating lemon."
"What? I don't see lemon here." While looking straight into Kai's eyes.

"So what. You know this is an apple don't you?"
"Chill man I'm just trying to talk something with you."
"You wanna talk ,just at least talk something clever than that, hyung ."
"I don't know ,I just didn't get something like that to talk with you."

Chanyeol sat beside Kai on the wooden bench. He sat while his head was up to the sky.
Kai felt weird on Chanyeol, that was the unusual behavior of Chanyeol.
He seemed sad and always looked at the sky, he stopped talking to Kai for a moment until Kai realised that.

Kai wanted to ask him but he was quite silly on that time. Suddenly Chanyeol's head turned to Kai.
Kai knows that he was looking at him but pretended not to turn his face to Chanyeol.

"So you're left handed?"
"Yeah.."

"What are you sketching Kai?" Chanyeol ask. His body is leaning on the bench.
"Something.." Kai said
"Are you sketching me?"
"Fuck no."
"Then what are you sketching now?"
"None of your business."
"Why you always do this to me? Look, are you the type of person that don't know how to talk to people?"
"I talk to you right?"
"Yeah you did, but just ...." Chanyeol couldn't finish his words.




"Forget it.." Chanyeol said.
They were silence for a moment.

Kai was about to move his pencil from his hand and didn't realise that his sketch book fall from his lap. There was something appear inside his sketchbook. It was a portrait of someone.
Kai was about to pick up his sketchbook from the ground, but Chanyeol had seen it before he did that.



 "So, is it me ?" Chanyeol said while picking up the sketchbook.

Kai didn't said anything. His face was blushing. He took away his sketchbook from Chanyeol.

"It just a school project, I have to draw a portrait as a school project." Kai said
"Oh okay, why you chose me ?"
"Cuz I don't have anyone in my head except you."
 Kai stopped for a second.

"I meant, you know I don't have friends here. I just randomly take your face in this project."
"Okay...I got it, you're so talented by the way. I like that sketch so much"
"Thank you. "

"You're welcome."

"Ahhh, I think I don't have anything to do after school."
"So?"
"So.. I just thought maybe we can do something together? Maybe I can go to your house?"
"What?my house? I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not, I've never been to your house."
"You have, when you send me home after I had dinner with your family."
"Yeah but I didn't come in ."
"There's nothing fun to do in my house, we can't do anything there."
"Why not?"
"I don't have mom like yours to cook for us when we go to my house."
"Do you have video games at home Kai?"
"My dad bought me the latest edition last month."
"omg that is so cool, we can just play  video games at your home "

It took a minute for Kai to said yes to Chanyeol. Kai didn't know to say any excuses to Chanyeol since he looked so happy and excited to go to his house.

"Okay...  " kai said
"Yes!!! It will be fun right!". Chanyeol said excitedly.


*                          *                           *


So after they finished their school on the late evening, Kai was there, at bus station in front of their school gate waiting for Chanyeol to come.
They went to Kai's house by bus.

As soon as they reached  Kai's house, Kai went to the door and and opened it. Chanyeol was at his back, waiting patiently from his back. Chanyeol was quite impatient for few things except about his father. He had always wanted to do something so bad until he really sacrifice himself for that, he ever tried to warn some bad boys in Yoora's school after he knew that Yoora had been bullied by them .Unfortunately that bad boys hit him when he warned them. They also punched him on his face. Yoora won't never forget that times when Chanyeol tried to help her.


"Chanyeol you don't have to do this, look at you .You're injured. You must be hurt ?"
"What are you talking about, I'm  fine. I don't hurt at all, that bad boys should get my revenge."

"Are you staying here alone with your dad?" Chanyeol said as soon as they stepped into Kai's house.
"Yeah, but he is not a person who actually at home."
"Are you bored staying here alone when your dad wasn't here?"
"I didn't talk to him when he was at home though."
"I see....so I think you should thank me cuz you're not going to be alone at home today! I'll be accompany you, we can play video games until tonight, hahaha."


"Yeah right, you'll be leaving me soon after you're tired of playing video games."
"Hey, what's wrong? You sounds like..."
"I sounds like I'm forever alone? "
"Kind of ."
"Never mind, just sit here for a while I want to look up for foods and drinks in the fridge."
"Alright."
 Kai have been to kitchen to look up for something that they can eat in the kitchen, Chanyeol was still leaned at couch in front of television on the living room.
While Chanyeol was busy watching television, his eyes was attracted at a frame beside the telivision table. It was a photo frame. Kai's father was holding him when he was a kid.
Chanyeol realised that Kai was bronze since he small. He laugh a little after watching that picture.

Suddenly Kai called him from kitchen. He put the frame back to its place and rushed to Kai.
Kai put two cans of soda inside of two glasses that he took from the kitchen cabinet.
They were using the large glasses like the one that Harry Potter use to drink butterbeer.
They were having great chats on the bar chairs in the kitchen until their chats went awkward.

"So, you still never mention about your mom. Where is she?"
"She left us after my parents divorce."
"Why they divorce? I meant .. wasn't they happy together with you?" Chanyeol ask again.
"My mom cheated on my dad."
Chanyeol felt guilty for asking Kai such that questions. He realise he shouldn't get start with that kind of questions. So he didn't asked Kai any more about his parents.
 It might hurt Kai's feeling.










Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Gay :Part5 (Lovely Dinner and Rains)

"Dear readers, I think I'm just gonna start part 5. hehe
Where we are on the last part ? Oh ya, Kai had dinner with Chanyeol's family."



WELL, they enjoyed that dinner so much. Kai felt really happy that he had a chance to had dinner with them. They were so good to him ,only  Chanyeol's dad that always seemed forced to be there.
That's not a big deal thought. Kai know his dad's condition. He was not going to ask more about that.

Kai was about to leave . He had finished his plate, everybody was finished eating except Chanyeol.

"Are you leaving now." Chanyeol's mom said.
"Yes aunty, I think I have to go now. Thank you for this lovely dinner." Kai said
"You're most welcome dear, Chanyeol should send you home."
"No. it's okay I will be going home by myself ."
"No, someone should accompany you, it's late now. I'll ask Chanyeol, wait for a moment."

Chanyeol was still on the dining table, still eating his dessert. There was some whipped cream on his upper lip. He didn't realise that.

"Chanyeol, I think you should send Kai home." his mom said.
"Don't worry ,I will." He said (while finishing his dessert on his plate)

Soon, they walked together to Kai's house. It was just half kilometers from Chanyeol's house. And they usually walking that far, or maybe farther than that almost everyday. Walking is just a usual thing in their cultures.
Before they left Chanyeol's house, Kai thanked Chanyeol's mom once again and they were saying goodbye.

While they were walking, they have some conversations, and it always be Chanyeol who started everything. Once Chanyeol opened his mouth, Kai could smile or laugh. Chanyeol had always make his day, he kept telling him some jokes that will make Kai laughing at him.
 Chanyeol was a really "happy virus" .
He spreads jokes to the people around him, especially  Kai,although sometimes he looked like an idiot.

(that's the type of friend we want to have don't we?)

The conversations on that night really filled with their laughs:

"You are leaving too early. I can't finish the whole pudding." -C
"It's late now, I had to go home." -K
"It just 9 o'clock then."-C
"I am not asking you to send me home." -K
"I have to."-C
"You ate almost half of the pudding earlier."-K
"That wasn't an improvement, I have to eat the whole pudding to make a record ".-C
"You're such an annoying."
"Haha really? I likes pudding with whipping cream, they were insanely delicious."
"Oh ya? I don't like pudding with whipping cream."
"Why?"
"I don't know, I just don't like it. Whipping cream and pudding is not a good combination. At all. I'll prefer whipping cream with brownies rather that pudding."
"Brownies? You meant dark brownies cuz you had dark skin. It suits you."
"Shut up! I'm not dark, I'm just bronze."
"Well, aren't we like whipping cream and brownies? We are a good combination too doesn't it?"
"You think so,haha ?"( He thought he was just kidding)
"Yes, we are match together. Whipping Cream with brownies, that sounds fuckin' delicious. I will ship them together after this.And bronze sounds sexy too."


The conversations turned awkward for a while.

They have been walking half of their way to Kai's house. Until they realised it started to rain.
Thank god Kai had an umbrella inside his school bag.
He grabbed his purple umbrella and set it for two people, Chanyeol and him.



"Oh gosh ,why suddenly rainy?"Chanyeol said.
"You should thank me for this umbrella, hyung." Kaid said.
" Okay thank you for your umbrella, but I think I can survive in rains."
"Haha sure you are free to move  from this umbrella."
"Will you do that to me?"
"You can , if you you want."
"So you're letting me in this heavy rain ?I might get fever or headache."
"Well I can't force you to be here if you don't want it."
"So, are you seriously sure you won't do anything if I let myself in the rains?"
"What do you expecting me to do?"
"Just anything, anything you could ever think to do, ."Chanyeol sounds like he frustrated.

"Maybe  I will throw away my umbrella and letting myself in the rain with you." Kai said.
"We don't need umbrella since you can survive in the rains didn't you."

Chanyeol immediately hugged him. 

Kai wasn't too awkward on that situation, he had also raised his both arms on Chanyeol's waist. They realise that they were cuddling .
Chanyeol smiled at him. He looked at him with his shining eyes. They were wet  that night.
The heavy rains poured on their faces like diamond droplets ,that make their faces looked shining and refreshing. 
 They looked so nice in the rains :Chanyeol's fringe hair slipped from his white forehead, he looks stunning standing in the rains with his long legs, the rains hit  Kai's face until his eyes sometimes closing in shock.






#to be continue.


Friday, August 7, 2015

GAY : Part 4 (Talking about Kai's life)

Assalamualaikum guys ! do you really made it until here?!



"Last night I found an old sweater, it still looks good. The zips was fine with the hood. I thought about cleaning and washing that sweater and dry it. It  might be useful  when I am in cold or whatever it need me to use it."

"When I was writing these stories, I always put myself on Kai's place because if I put myself on Chanyeol's place , I know I can't fall in love with my own self . Kai was a character that can help me showed  how much I've been thinking about Chanyeol and how I  could fall in love with him. Well, not really fall in love with him, but how I felt if I was given a chance to be his love. Wow that's sound pretty annoying-haha.
Other than that ,I just want to write something to let everybody know that gays can change. They really can be normal again for some reasons. There are some stories that could change their next life. What stories it could be? I just write some of them, which I think they was logically can be happen, and some of them was really happen in the real life. So please don't judging me cuz I am not making this for attention ,just making this for myself and for the people who want to read! Thanks.

Let's just move on to the part 4 ! 




KAI felt his hyung's life was luckier than him. He never asked for that kind of life, but sometimes  he just quite jealous with Chanyeol for some reasons. Chanyeol had a perfect family -his lovely mom who always taking care of him, cooks for him, and his sister, Yoora who had always became his closest friend since he was a kid, and his father-which had start to talk with him although he was on a wheelchair.

That's pretty enough for him. At least he got a family.
Not like Kai, he lost his mom, and lived with his almost-not-at-home dad. His dad was so busy at his workplace, still busy with his huge projects, important meetings and so forth. He was still busy since he still had a wife.

They have been friend-ing for a few weeks. That was the first time Chanyeol brought his school's friend to his house, to meet his family. He only did that to Kai.
Chanyeol asked Kai to go to his house. He asked Kai to join dinner with his family too, and he told Kai about his mom was really good in cooking.

Kai told him he wasn't sure about that, but after Chanyeol kept asking him about that, he thought about going to Chanyeol's house.
Kai realised he didn't have  rational reason to tell to Chanyeol if he can't go to his house.
Well, he was not going to tell Chanyeol he couldn't go to his house because he will have a dinner with his dad  or he will had anything to do with him-like father and son's activities. He was not going to tell Chanyeol all that impossibilities.
 His dad was not at home when he got back from school.
His dad  will only text him a message :

"Hey son, I have an important job to settle, I might  come home late."

"If you hungry just call the pizza or anything, I left some money on the coffee table!"

Kai scrolled his dad's message on the phone.
He exhaled. It was a really deep and short exhaled.
His dad texted him the same message almost everyday in a week  , his life just getting bored with all that messages.
His dad doesn't even had time to be with him at home.

"So, what would you say about that Kai?"
"About what?"
" About going to my house..and meet my family"

"Come on, I've already told my mom about this, my sister really wanna meet you."
Chanyeol smile at him.
"Okay hyung,I will be on the school's gate after finish my last class."
"Yes!! Okay I will be there soon, just wait for me."
"Bye."
"Bye...."

After they  finished their classes, both of them are ready to move to Chanyeol's house.
They met at the school's gate in front of their school and took a bus from there.
Finally, they arrived at a bus station , near from Chanyeol's house.
They just need some walks to reach his house.

As soon as they arrived at Chanyeol's house, Kai started to feel nervous inside of his heart.
He didn't know why he felt that, it  felt like a girl feeling so nervous when a guy is bringing  her to meet his parents.
Kai actually not that nervous, he just nervous that he afraid Chanyeol's mom don't like him.

"Hello I am home..". Chanyeol said as soon as he stepped into the house.
"Mom, I brought a friend home ..Kai, this is my mom, mom, this is Kai"

Chanyeol's mom appeared in front of their eyes. She was from kitchen, preparing everything for dinner. She greets Kai with her lovely smile. A really heartwarming smile from a mother.
Three of them went to the kitchen, Chanyeol and Kai have some awkward conversations on the Kitchen but as soon as Chanyeol's mom joined their conversations , it turned normal.
They didn't felt awkward anymore.
There was certain part of the conversations that makes Kai felt awkward, when Chanyeol's mom asked him about his family, about his mom.
Kai was not going to answer anything when people asking about his mom. But he did when Chanyeol's mom asking him.
Kai just replied he lost his mom since he was a kid .

Chanyeol's mom felt sorry on him. She realised that kai didn't want to talk much about his mom. She quickly changed their topic conversations into another topic. She knows when Kai seemed to be uncomfortable when she asked him about his mom. She just thought that Kai might have problem with his mom although she still didn't know about Kai' past stories.

"Oh ya ,Kai what was your favourite food? I'm sure you have one."
"ah...I just eat any foods."
"Come on just tell me what you wanna eat, I will consider to cook it for you." She said.
Kai was quite shy on that time.

"my mom was really good at cooking, that is why I love her." Chanyeol said while hugging her mom from her back.
His mom was stirring something on the kitchen.
Kai was looking at them while sitting on the dining chair , they are like a lovely couple.

"Maybe you want to try my mom's buldalk cheese?" Chanyeol said.
"You like chicken didn't you?"

Buldalk is a korean dish made from heavily spiced chicken and covered with cheese. You have no idea how spicy it taste like before you try it, but if you don't like to eat spicy stuff, please remind yourself to put less amount of gochujang (korean sauce) and red pepper powder as the ingredients.
"Bul" means fire while "dalk" means chicken. So "buldalk" means fire chicken.

"Yes I like chicken." Kai said .(He can't hide his feeling of wanting chicken  any more)
"See I know you have your favourite food! " Chanyeol said.
"I will cook buldak cheese for you, don't worry ." Chanyeol's mom said while smiling at both of them.

It's almost eight o'clock  . The foods was set on the table.
His mom called Chanyeol ,Kai and Yoora for dinner. She asked Chanyeol to bring his dad for dinner too. Chanyeol never forget about his dad, same goes to his mom. Chanyeol rushedly went to his parents bedroom to look up for his dad.
Kai had met Yoora for the first time on the dining table. Kai greets her and she smiled at him.
Kai ,Yoora , and her mom was already on the dining table. They are waiting for Chanyeol and his dad to come up.

Chanyeol knocked the bedroom door.
He saw his dad was reading something, while sitting on a wheelchair. He realised that Chanyeol was there, but he pretended not to notice him. Chanyeol showed up in front of him.

"dad, let's go for dinner. Mom have cook for us." Chanyeol said.
"I'm not hungry."
"But mom have already cook for us. I brought my friend to our home too."
"I said I'm not hungry !".His dad shocked him.

Chanyeol knows his dad didn't like him. He went to his dad's wheelchair and hold it tight.
He was about to push the wheelchair. He was going to bring his dad to the dining table although his dad didn't want to.

"What are you doing? Stop pushing  this wheelchair!".His dad said.
"I'm going to bring you for dinner, you should be thankful ". Chanyeol said again.
"I want you to stop now! I said I don't want to eat dinner."

"Of course you want.. mom told me you didn't eat since this morning, you should be hungry."
"I'll bring you for dinner now." Chanyeol said while pushing his wheelchair.
His dad couldn't do anything as he was paralyzed. That's why Chanyeol always thought that he can take more opportunities to do anything that he can't do when his dad was not paralyzed.
He just wanted his dad's love. He didn't get much when he was a kid.

Finally, they were on the dining table. Like a family, eating dinner together.
Chanyeol felt so grateful until his mouth didn't stop smiling while eating his dinner. There was a time he looked at Kai , he saw something inside Kai's eyes. Kai felt happy too, maybe he enjoyed that dinner that he never get since his mom left him.
Kai turned his eyes on Chanyeol while smiling at him. He also noticed that Yoora had Chanyeol's face. They were like a twins.
Kai looked at everything on that night. He saw that family eating their dinner. It's such  a blessing.
He saw Chanyeol's mom teary eyes while looking at Chanyeol and his dad .




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